The holidays are here but I ain't getting much good night rest. I tend to wake up with bites all over my body. At first I thought they were mosquito bites since it has been raining lately. But the strange thing was the bites tend to happen at the same places on my body. My arms, feet, back and shoulders.
Nadd told me that it could be bedbugs.
Bedbugs? Can't be serious right? That is so ghetto. I mean aren't bedbugs are shit that only kampung people have? You know during our parents time, this problem was a norm. Like having bedbugs is like having acne. Something like that?
I was wrong. I was youtube-ing for videos on bedbugs since I have never seen one in my lifetime. Do check em' out. Boy, they are disgusting. They mentioned to look for them along the seams of the mattress. Armed with a scotch tape, I carefully examined the unknown world which I have lay rest every night. And this was what I caught.
Brace thyself!
I was so freakin paranoid. I have f*ckin bedbugs on my bed! And that's only one. And you sure know there is no such thing as 'A' bedbug. There must be more! C'mon, this fella must have a mummy, a daddy, sisters, brothers, cousins, foster parents, neighbours....Argh! Whatever it is, THEY MUST BE DESTROY!!!
I put on my BEDBUG exterminator attire and armed with some A-Class chemical Weapon.
BEHOLD!
Attire Alpha
A Kustom Cap to keep the bugs from taking refuge in my head.
A pair of Polarized RayBans Aviators to look cool while doing a shitty job.
A white cloth that I got from the recent NP BigWalk to keep the bugs from taking refuge in my mouth.
Better safe than sorry.
But I need more protection!
BEHOLD!
Attire Bravo
O'Neal Monster Helmet. Light weight. Garang Colours.
Scott Goggles. Anti-Fog. Light weight.
Well...this attire is for fun only. No real funtions to wearing it. Hee.
OPERATION : Kill the Buggers Begins.
Step 1. Check for the seams of the mattress.
Those bugs love it there. As you can see on my mattress, there are some black spots. Those spots my friends aren't spots.
Look closer!
Spots my ass.
With a can of Baygon (which supposed to be used on mosquitoes) in my hand and Iron Maiden at the background, I totally nuked those damn buggers. No place to hide. No refuge. No escape. Ha! Check out my kill trophy.
Impressive huh? Well, I wasn't that satisfied even though they were dead.
They were blood suckers for god's sake and worse, they sucked MY blood.
They have to be freakin destroyed!
And how do we deal with these miniature blood suckers.
Well, obviously garlic, a cross and impalement do not work on them.
So what's the next best thing?
We freakin BURN them!
Before I can rest again on my bed, I need my Supervising Officer to check the mattress again if it is safe.
As my Supervising Officer is super kilat, she also check if there's any bugs in my drink.
Man, she is so kilat.
Enjoi (Dun let the bedbugs bite)
No comments:
Post a Comment